Relapse
by realmsoffreedom
Summary: It seems like everything is starting to look up for Austin and his siblings, but when shadows from their past begin to resurface, everything changes. As new demons begin to strike, it seems like everything has taken a nosedive for the worst. Their strength will be tested to the limit, and it's either- fight…or give up and let their pasts take control. Sequel to Recovery.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm early, are you guys happy? But yeah, this is the third installment of the series, and probably the last. This one's probably gonna be the most intense yet- and yes, it picks up from _exactly _where Recovery left off. This story is also going to have a lot of flashbacks to the time before Austin came into their lives, which I think will be pretty interesting. Anyway- trigger warnings for mentions of self-harm and depression. Enjoy. **

* * *

"Mom? Dad?"

I stare at the two people in front of me- not knowing exactly what to do with myself. I haven't seen them since I was a freshman, and that was almost three years ago. I'm speechless with shock, as paralyzing fear bubbles up in my stomach. I don't know what to do.

"Ell, who was at the- oh my fucking _god_…"

Rocky comes up behind me, his jaw dropping. He seems to recover from his shock much quicker than I do- because his face hardens, and he glares at our parents. "What the _fuck_ are you doing here?"

"Rocky, watch your language. We are your parents, you need to have some respect for us," our father says sternly, meeting Rocky's eyes.

Rocky ignores him, turning to me. "Listen to me. Go to Riker and Rydel. Tell Rydel to take you and Austin downstairs, and ask Riker to come over here, please?"

"I want to hear this," I whisper back, shaking my head. "They're my parents too."

"No, Ratliff. They're not your parents. They abandoned us. They are _not_ our parents," Rocky mutters.

"Guys? What's going on?" I glance back, and see Riker walking toward us, worry evident in his eyes. When he lays eyes on our mother and father, he freezes. "What the _fuck_ are they doing here, Rocky?!"

"I don't know," Rocky replies. "But they're leaving right now. Ratliff, go. You don't need to hear this."

"No, Rocky, he's staying. He's my son, and I want to see how he's been," Stormie says firmly. She steps into the house, and looks me over. "Oh, Ellington, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you. Come here, give your mom a hug." She holds open her arms, and I just stare at her, open-mouthed.

"Give you a hug?! Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!" I exclaim. "You abandon us, then show up after almost three years, and expect me to walk into your arms like it's fucking nothing?!"

"Ellington Ratliff," Mark says icily. "We are still your parents, and you will _still_ show us respect."

"No," Rocky cuts in. "No, he doesn't have to listen to a _word _you say. _I_ am his guardian, by _law_, and I'm fine with how he's talking to you. You deserve it."

He sighs heavily, turning his gaze back to me. "Please, Ell. Please go to Rydel. I don't want you to hear this. Riker and I will handle it."

"Fine," I relent. I really don't have the energy _or_ the patience to argue with my parents right now- Rocky's right.

"You can't send him away! He's my _son_!"

Rocky stares at our mother, disbelief in his eyes. "He's my baby brother. And if he really _was_ your son, you wouldn't have abandoned him when he needed you the most. You wouldn't have broken his heart and _left_ him, leaving him wondering whether you really ever loved him or not."

I can't take any more of this- not right now. So, I turn on my heel, and rush back into the living room, where Rydel is sitting on Austin's lap in his wheelchair, comforting him. She's murmuring nonsense into his ear, trying to soothe our panicked youngest brother.

"What's going on, Ratliff?" Rydel asks worriedly, staring at me. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"I might've," I whisper. "Our parents are back."

* * *

"You had no right to send him away," Mark says authoritatively. "He is our son."

"And you are not his legal guardians," I reply. "He's my brother, and only _I_ have authority over him. So you cannot tell me what I can and can't do."

"Despite that, we are still your parents."

"No," Riker mutters. "No, you're not. You gave up that right two years ago."

"We brought you into this world," Stormie says, her face hardening. "We raised you to where you are now."

"You may've given birth to me," Riker answers bitterly. "But you are not my mother. Not anymore. Not to any of us. And you, _dad_, are just a sperm donor. That's what I think of you. You're a fucking sperm donor."

Mark's face reddens, rage burning in his eyes. "How dare you-" He raises his hand, and before I know what I' doing, I catch his arm in mine, glaring at him.

"You have _no_ right to lay a fucking _hand_ on my brother," I growl. "I could have you both arrested. I could call the police."

Riker presses close into my side, and I drop my father's wrist, glancing at him. "You okay, Rik?"

He nods. "Fine. As long as Rydel gets Austin and Ratliff somewhere safe."

"Wait, who is this Austin you speak of?" Stormie asks. "And where's Rydel- I'd like to see her?"

"That's too bad," Riker hisses. "Because you are not going to. And Austin is none of your business, and he will never be."

Mark sighs. "Alright. Can we just talk? That's what we came here for- we wanted to talk to you guys."

"'You guys' is going to be me and Riker. Ratliff and Rydel don't need to see you or hear your shitty excuses. You broke their hearts. We're not letting you do something like that again."

* * *

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Rocky mutters coldly. We're sitting at the kitchen table, Rocky's and my chairs pressed as close as they'll get together. Rydel, Ratliff, and Austin are down in the basement- they're staying there until these bastards get the hell out of our house.

"We wanted to talk about transferring custody," Mark says. "We'd like back custody of all four of you. We're ready to come back."

Rocky stiffens, his eyes widening. He opens his mouth to say something, but I shake my head, slipping my fingers into his and squeezing hard. He can't get angry. That'll just lead us into another fight, and it's not something we want to go through. I meet my father's gaze, my eyes dark. "You legally could only get custody of Ratliff. Rydel and I are 18, almost 19, and Rocky will be 21 soon."

"And even if you _could_ get custody of them, I would _die_ before handing my siblings over to _you_," Rocky growls.

My mother's eyes widen. "What have you got against us? Why are you so reluctant to listen to what we have to say? We're back, and we've changed. We're ready to take on the challenge it will be to raise the four of you."

"Five," Rocky mutters. "There are five of us. I adopted Austin, over three months ago."

"You mean you adopted a _kid_?!" My mother's tone rises, as she stares at us. "What business do you have, adopting a _child_?!"

"He is not a child," I reply. "He's 15, almost 16, only a year younger than Ratliff. His parents were horridly abusive. We got him out of there. He's one of us now, and there is nothing you can do to change that."

"I'd like to meet him," Stormie says, folding her hands on the table.

"Hell no," Rocky replies, before I even have a chance to answer. "You are _not_ meeting him. He's already broken- just like we are- and he doesn't need to be scrutinized by you two."

"So you adopted a defective kid? Of course," Mark sighs. "You never really had good judgment, why am I not surprised…"

"He is not _defective_," I spit out, through clenched teeth. "He's perfect. He's our baby brother and we love him with everything in us. And if I remember correctly, _you_ left when it got hard. Said we were too much of a handful for you. What makes you think you can come back- two years later- and pick up right where you left off?"

"We thought," Mark says stonily. "That you four would've fixed yourselves by now."

"Fixed ourselves? Do you even know what depression _is_?" Rocky mutters. "It's not something that'll eventually go away. It stays with you for the rest of your life. Cutting isn't easy to recover from. And the feeling of wanting to die is the worst in the world."

He grabs my left arm, and pushes up the sleeve of my shirt. "This is what depression is. This is your son. You made him, you gave birth to him, and yes, he's broken, but you abandoned him when he needed you the most. You picked up and _left_. What did you think would happen when you got back? That we'd welcome you with open arms? I don't know _what_ fantasy world you live on, but I'd suggest you come back down to Earth, and realize- that we are _fine_ without you."

"We went through fucking _hell_ when you guys _left_," I agree, as Rocky lets my arm go. I retract it, pulling down my sleeve, and glare at our parents. "You put us through _hell_."

_"They're gone? And they're not coming back?"_

_Rydel whimpers as she stares at me, and I sigh, forcing myself to stop shaking. I open my arms, and she runs into them, crying against my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I lift my own head up to meet Rocky's eyes. _

_"I'm your guys' legal guardian," Rocky mutters, slamming the front door shut. He hobbles over to Ratliff, his injured leg still braced. The physical affects of the accident are not fully gone- he's still working to get his leg back to normal. Jumping off a roof doesn't constitute an easy recovery._

_Rocky exhales a deep breathing, glancing at me, before burying his face in Ratliff's hair. He's comforting Ratliff- our youngest brother buried in his chest. I can hear Ratliff's sobs from here, inhuman cries that shatter my heart. They don't fucking deserve this. Not after all the pain they've endured already. This is the breaking point. For all of us._

_"What just happened?" I whisper, moving to sit down on the couch, as Rydel curls onto my lap. "Did they seriously just walk out on us?"_

_"They left us! They fucking leave when it gets hard!" Ratliff cries. He slams his fist into Rocky's chest, and I sigh. _

_Rocky just lets our youngest brother punch him, not even flinching. "He needs to let go of his anger," he mutters. "He'll get tired soon."_

_"Sit down, Rocky. You shouldn't be up, your leg isn't strong enough for that."_

_He sighs, collapsing beside me on the couch- with Ratliff still pressed tightly into his chest. "I know. My body's still recovering from the accident, but mentally, I gotta be strong. You guys need me now. I've gotta be your mother and your father from now on."_

_"No," I say. "You're our brother. That's all you'll ever be, and all we need from you. You've taken care of us for so long- it won't be much different." _

_"Except that our parents are _gone_!" Ratliff exclaims, lifting his tearstained face up to look at me. "Do you even care?!"_

_"Of course I care," I whisper. "I'm just trying not to think about it…I can't…"_

_"Hey," Rocky says. "Stop. I'm gonna take care of you guys. You're safe with me. We're going to be okay. I promise." _

* * *

**So, thoughts? I'd love some reviews on this- the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update. Thank you guys for reading- I hope you enjoyed.**

**-Neha**


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger warning for a mention of self-harm/depression.**

* * *

The door slams shut, and I turn to Riker, immediately pulling him into my arms. "They're gone, it's going to be okay. They're gone."

Riker shakes his head. "They're not gone, Rocky. They won't give up that easily. They will be back, I can promise you that. And I don't think we'll be ready for it."

"We have to be," I whisper. "Aus, Ell, and Ry need us to be. We gotta be strong. And I know that the last time you tried to be strong, everything backfired, but you need to try for me. And I promise, I'll let you break afterward. Or, you've got Rydel, you can confide in her."

"But what are we going to _do_?!" Riker exclaims. "They're back, and they want Ratliff. They want to take him from us."

I stare at him. "They can do what they want. They can say what they want. Hell, they can take me to fucking court, and in front of a judge- I will say this- I would rather _die_ than give him up to those cunts. We will fight, and we _will_ win."

* * *

"They're back?! Why the _fuck_ are they back?!"

Rydel stares at us, her eyes wild. She's standing in front of us, glaring at me for an answer. Obviously, she's distraught over the entire thing because she was the only one who didn't see them. Even if it was only for a few short minutes, Ratliff _did_ get to see our parents.

"I don't know," I mutter, sighing. "They just showed up out of no where."

"They'll want you to get rid of me," Austin whispers, dropping his head. "You're gonna throw me out onto the streets, aren't you?"

Rocky stiffens. "Where the _fuck_ did you get that idea? They have no control over what I do- _I_ have custody over all four of you. Not so much Rydel and Riker- as you guys are legal now- but Aus, you are our baby brother. And we'd be _insane_ to get rid of you. You've done so much for us, and I honestly don't think any of us would be able to function without you."

"You don't have to lie to me," Austin sighs. "I know I'm just a burden. I have this big, bulky wheelchair and these casts and I'm just a total invalid that can't even dress himself on his own. I'm fucking pathetic."

"I'm not gonna let you say that _bullshit_ about yourself," I mutter, rising to my feet. I lift him out of his chair, and return to my original seat, with him in my arms. Austin melts into my embrace, shoving his face into my shoulder.

Rocky reaches over and tangles his fingers in Austin's hair, shaking his head. "You're not going anywhere, baby. We can promise you that. Right now, our main concern is Ratliff. He's technically the only one that they can try to take."

Ratliff's face pales drastically, as he presses himself closer to Rydel. "You mean…they could take me from you guys…?"

I can hear his breathing start to go crazy, but Rydel takes control, before I have the chance to say anything. "Ell, shhh. Calm down, you're okay, they are _not_ taking you from us. We will fight for you, we promise. You're not going _anywhere_. We have so much proof, and so much evidence- even if they _do_ take us to court, they have _nothing_ that can be used against us."

"They haven't had any contact with us in almost three years, they have nothing to say for themselves. Right off the bat, the judge is going to wonder what the fuck they're doing, asking for custody back. You have _nothing_ to worry about," I agree.

Ratliff relaxes a bit, but I can still see the fear in his eyes. I can still see that same heartbreak that I saw when they first walked out on us. He's just so damaged from it all- and I don't know whether he'll be able to hold himself together throughout all of this. He relies on his medication to keep him from having an episode, and I just wonder what would happen if he were to stop taking it- because he doesn't seem to want to take it anymore.

* * *

A knock sounds at the door, and I tense. Every time someone knocks on that door, I feel like it's going to be our parents again, trying to get back into our lives. Trying to bribe us into giving up Ratliff.

Austin wheels himself to the front door, glancing at me. "It's Ally. I asked her to come, I need to talk to her."

I nod quickly, my fear dissipating, as he pulls open the door. Ally is standing in the doorway, looking quite worried. She starts talking as soon as she sees Austin, her eyes wide with trepidation.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good, Austin…what's going on? Something happened, I can tell…"

Austin shakes his head wearily. "Something did happen, and I just need you right now. Come here?" He holds open his arms, and she sits down on his lap, hugging him gently. I watch the scene, smiling sadly. I'm just glad he has someone. Someone other than us, because we're not the most stable right now- and all he needs is stability.

* * *

"So you wanna tell me what's up?" Ally murmurs.

I sigh, resting my face in the crook of her neck. "Their parents are back. Back and ready to regain custody. Only of Ratliff- mind you- because he's the only one under 18. And I'm fucking scared because I might be pulled away too."

"Pulled away? What, you mean thrown out on the streets? Austin…"

"I don't know. Their parents left the four of them, and now they're coming back to the five of us. What if they don't want me?"

"It's not their job to "want" you, Aus," Ally replies. "They don't have a say in it. Rocky adopted you. You're _his_ responsibility. And _he's_ the only one that can make decisions for you. And I fucking _doubt_ he'll send you away."

"There's always the fear, Als," I mutter. "Always the fear of being abandoned."

"You're not going to be abandoned, Austin, stop saying that."

"I was. Before they found me. You guys hated me. My parents hated me. Kids at school hated me. I was all alone, and lemme tell you, it hurt like fucking _hell_."

Guilt seeps into her expression, and I exhale a deep breath, looking into her eyes. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I'm trying to tell you that I've been abandoned before, and I cannot go through that again. It hurts way too fucking much, and I'm definitely not strong enough."

"How do you know that, Aus?" Ally whispers. "If anything, you've only gotten stronger."

"If by stronger you mean I attempted suicide _twice_ in less than six months, sure. I'm _not_ strong, that's why I'm sitting in this damn chair. Because of my own goddamn stupidity."

"People do crazy things to escape pain, Aus," Ally says. She leans over and kisses my cheek gently, sighing. "And this wasn't one of your brightest ideas, but why you did it _is_ justified."

"I'm just scared…" I confess. "So damn scared, and I don't want to tell them, because that's unnecessary pressure that they don't need right now."

"They're your siblings, Aus, they need to know what's going on with you. They love you and they care about you," Ally chides gently.

"I know," I mumble. "But I don't want to stress them out."

"Tell you what. You can talk to me instead of them. Text me when you have the urge to cut, let me know when you don't want to eat, and most importantly, just call me when you need me. I'll be there for you."

"I don't know if I'm going to survive this thing, Ally. I really fucking don't.

* * *

**Thoughts? So, obviously, next chapter is gonna be big. Big and full of drama, you could say. Their parents make their next entrance. Get me to 20 reviews, and you'll have your chapter. Thanks for reading- i hope you enjoyed.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know it's been six days. I'm sorry. But I had writer's block for this story, and I'm honestly not going to kill myself, trying to get chapters up every day. I'm gonna aim for about four a week, but sometimes, it won't happen. And that's okay. Because I am not in any hurry to get this story over with. I want it to be well-written, and when I'm writing under pressure, my writing comes out sloppy and quite shitty, to be painfully honest. I really wasn't happy with the last few chapters of Recovery- I felt they were rushed- and compared to Broken- not my best work. That's why I want to take my time with this story- I want to give you guys the best I can- and that's going to take time. Anyway- trigger warning- depression, mentions of self-harm, suicide, and schizophrenia. **

* * *

"Ally? Can I talk to you for a second?"

I glance up, lifting my head up from its place in the crook of Austin's neck. Rocky's standing in the doorway- and when I look at his face, I expect to see disappointment, like I've done something wrong- but I don't see any traces. His face holds weariness and exhaustion- an accurate representation of the hell he's going through.

"Yeah, sure," I reply. Austin meets my gaze, looking at me hesitantly. I smile reassuringly at him, squeezing him tightly, before sliding off his lap, and straightening. I follow Rocky out into the hallway, crossing my arms over my chest and raising an eyebrow- waiting for him to say something.

"Can you stay for a while?" Rocky asks. "Austin calms down when you're around, and right now- there's a high risk of our parents showing up." He spits the second part out like it's a bad taste in his mouth, his face twisting. "And the four of us…you gotta understand, they put us through fucking hell. Ratliff and Rydel are gonna be no where near sane, and Riker and I are gonna have a lot more on our plates. I wouldn't normally ask this of you, but please? Austin really needs stability and comfort right now- and you're our best bet."

A feeling of warmth flows through me. He really does trust me- and that sends relief flowing throughout my body. I've finally been forgiven for the terrorizing hell I induced on Austin. "Of course. It's just me and my dad back home. I can ask if I can stay here for a while? Would that work?"

Rocky nods. "You can go back and get some stuff, but Rydel said she can share things with you, if you need that. Just…I'm sorry, this is really sudden and shit, but I'm just…" He sighs heavily, closing his eyes briefly.

My heart clenches for him. He's trying to do the best he can for them, and it's truly taking its toll on him. He looks like he hasn't slept in days, and he still has to be the strong one. He's the one they all look up to- he can't break. "Rocky, seriously, don't even worry about it. You just have to focus on taking care of Ratliff and Rydel right now, alright? I promise, Austin is going to be okay. And if I really need the help, I'll ask Dez to come over. Dez can break Austin- he knows him better than anyone else. You need a break- you look fucking exhausted."

He smiles ruefully. "I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon, but thank you. I've just gotta get them through this, and then we should be okay."

"Can they really take Ratliff away from you?"

Rocky shakes his head. "They technically _could_, but the risk is so low it's not even there. They've been gone for two years- and they gave custody to me. The judge's first question would be- 'why would you give custody to your oldest son, disappear for almost three years, and then come and ask for it back?'. They can take me to court if they please, but I know I'll win."

* * *

"We're sure we can trust her?"

Riker sighs, tying something on his laptop, while he waits for my answer.

"We have to be," I mutter, head in my hands. "She's our only hope right now. Austin needs some kind of stability. Rydel and Ratliff are in no way stable, and you and I are gonna be drowning in stress."

"She can sleep in Rydel's bed," Riker replies. "And Austin can have mine. Ratliff can come over to yours, and Rydel and I can take his."

"That works." I lean my head back against the wall, rubbing a hand over my face. "When did things go to shit?"

"Well, we found out Austin was bulimic, he got hit by a car, you threatened suicide, and Ratliff and Rydel had that argument shit," Riker recaps. "And that's just from the past month or so."

"When does Aus get his casts off?"

"Another two weeks or so," Riker answers, meeting my gaze. "Good thing too, he's starting to get pissed about having to be wheeled everywhere."

"He feels like an invalid," I sigh. "The feeling is shit. I felt that way too, especially in the weeks right after my accident."

Pain flashes in Riker's gaze, and I wince. Those couple weeks were the worst for him- his cutting at reached an all time high- it's not a point in his life he wants to relive.

"Rik…"

Riker shakes his head, and when he looks back up at me, his face is red and blotchy and his eyes are teary. "No. Do you really think I want to remember my high school years and my teenage years by how fucked up we were at that point? Remember how long it's been by measuring how damn screwed up we were? Do you really want those to serve as the only memories from those four years- which may I remind you- were supposed to be the happiest years of our lives?"

* * *

Sitting in a room with our parents elicits the most awkward and suffocating feeling in the entire fucking world. We're all sitting around the dining room table- Austin's wheelchair was pushed up next to my chair- and he's looking as small as ever. Highly intimidated- because our parents are fucking _glaring _at him.

I reach out to grab his hand, and he glances at me hesitantly. Shooting him a reassuring smile, I squeeze his hand in mine, drawing circles on his soft skin.

"Are you going to say something, or are we just gonna sit here?" Rydel grumbles. "Because there are at least five things I could be doing right now- none of which include sitting and talking to two assholes."

I see the anger flash in my father's eyes, but my mother shakes her head, laying a hand on his shoulder. She turns back to us, meeting Rydel's eyes. "We want to regain custody of Ratliff, and I'd like you guys to tell us how we can go about doing that."

Ratliff does his best to suppress his tiny squeak, but it's heard anyway. Rocky wraps a long arm around his shoulders, pulling Ratliff close. He whispers something in his ear, before turning up to shoot a death glare at the two adults in front of us. "You can do whatever the _fuck_ you want, but you have absolutely _no_ evidence to declare me an unfit guardian, so as far as I know, my baby brother is staying with me."

"I gave birth to him," Stormie says firmly. "A child needs to be with his mother. That's enough for me."

"And honestly, Rocky, we wouldn't know. You could be abusing them, and we wouldn't know," Mark seconds.

Rocky's face-hardens. Rage burns in his eyes, and my own eyes widen. "Don't you fucking _dare_ accuse me of _abusing_ my siblings. You are at fault here. You picked up and fucking _left_ when things got difficult. After my suicide attempt, and Ratliff's near-breakdown. And you have the fucking _nerve_ to show up here and ask for custody _back_?"

Austin whimpers slightly, and I sigh. He's never seen Rocky this angry- we've managed to keep it sheltered for so long, but this can't be hidden. Pushing his wheelchair back, I turn it to face me, looking into his eyes. They're filled with tears, as he looks at me pleadingly.

"I've got you," I whisper firmly, reaching out to lift him out of the chair and into my lap. He melts into my arms as soon as he's in them, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

"He's okay?" Rocky directs the question at me, the rage in his eyes being replaced by worry.

I nod slightly, hugging Austin tightly.

"What, is he a baby? He's 15 years old, he shouldn't be cuddling up to you like some sort of child," Mark growls.

I open my mouth to shoot a stinging retort at my father, but Rydel beats me to it. "That boy has been through more in his fifteen years of life, than you've been through in your entire lifetime. He has _every_ right to cuddle up to Riker like that, and quite damn honestly, it is _not_ your place to judge_ him_, when _you_ two decided to abandon four children that clearly _needed_ you."

"I just want to get my baby back," Stormie sighs. "Ellington, please try to understand…"

Ratliff's head snaps up, his eyes wide. His face is red and splotched with tears, and his lip is quivering. "No! I don't understand _shit_! You people _broke_ me! You left me when I needed you! You left me when I was having my breakdown, and left these guys to deal with it. I'm fucking schizophrenic! I hear voices and see shit that isn't there, and it's fucking incurable! I take meds to be goddamn sane! But I still deserve to be loved! And I have been! Rocky is fucking amazing, and so are Riker, Rydel, _and_ Austin! They're the reasons I'm not six feet under right now. And you have the fucking nerve to call me your baby and tell me you want me _back_?! You left because I was too much of a mess to handle- do you know how fucking painful that was for me to get past?! My own parents couldn't fucking deal with me! So no, no I _don't_ understand! I don't understand why you left, and I sure as fucking _hell_ don't understand why the _fuck_ you're back!"

And then he squirms out of Rocky's grip, and runs out of the room, sobs bubbling up his throat.

"Thanks a lot," Rocky hisses, rising to his feet and running after him.

* * *

**So obviously, there are definitely some issues. But this story is going to be about delving into these guys' minds. In Recovery, every time you started to get an idea of what a character was thinking, the plot twisted. This time, there's going to be more focus on each of them separately, and a _lot_ more platonic Riker/Austin, Riker/Rydel, and Rocky/Ratliff. I think it's going to be really enjoyable. Anyway- can we try for 30 reviews? I know I've taken a while to update, but I'd love to know you guys are still supporting this story. Thanks for reading- I hope you enjoyed.**

**-Neha**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry this took forever- I was really busy, and then I had fourth of July stuff to do with my family. Important author's note at the end- please read. Trigger warnings- self-harm, suicide, mentions of schizophrenia, and depression.**

* * *

"Ratliff?! Come on Ell, please open the door!"

"Go away, Rocky! I wanna be alone!" Ratliff sobs, his voice hoarse with the sound of his pained cries. It shatters my heart- to see him like that. I never wanna see him hurting. He doesn't deserve that.

"You don't want to be alone, come on, you need me right now. Please open it, don't make me break the door."

"I _said_, go the fuck away," Ratliff growls. "I don't need the comfort and the love right now. I need to be alone."

And then I understand. I know exactly why he wants to be alone, and the thought chills me to the bone. Our room is connected to a bathroom, and in that bathroom- there are a couple of my razors. I stopped cutting- the razors are there for shaving. And Ratliff knows exactly where they're kept- he's most likely going to break one and start slashing at his wrist…fuck…

I need to break the door down. Giving no thought to what Riker, Rydel, Austin, or my sorry excuses for parents will think, I back away from the wooden door, my eyes locked on the surface. The next few moments are a blur, as I sprint forward and ram into the door with my shoulder. It breaks- just as I thought- and creates a loud noise as the door crashes to the ground.

Ignoring that, I run into the bathroom, my stomach sinking at the sight. Just as I thought, Ratliff broke one of my razors, and has it pressed to his skin. His flesh is already split with bleeding cuts- a line of about six of them- beading dots of blood welling in them. He's made no move to clean them, and it's like he didn't even hear me come in- his eyes are focused on his arm.

"Ell…" I sigh, kneeling down in front of him. "Gimme that." I pull the blade out of his hand, and slip it in my pocket- paying no attention to his protests. He glares at me, mumbling curses under his breath, but I know he doesn't mean any of it.

I focus my attention on cleaning him up- grabbing toilet paper to press to his wrist, and holding it there while I rifle through the cabinet for a first-aid kit. Finally unearthing one, I pull a roll of gauze out of it, and remove the toilet paper from his wrist. After I wrap the gauze around his arm, I pull him into my lap, kissing the top of his head.

"Why'd you do it?" I ask, as he leans his head on my chest.

"I needed it," Ratliff whispers in a monotone. "The voices told me to."

My blood runs cold at that. Voices? Isn't he taking his medication? There aren't supposed to _be_ any voices. "Ell, did you take your meds this morning?"

He shakes his head. "I finished the bottle a couple days ago, there aren't any pills left."

"Then, you're supposed to come to me and tell me you need your prescription refilled," I sigh. "Not suffer in silence. The reason you're _taking_ those pills twice a day, is to keep the voices away."

"I don't want them," Ratliff mutters. "I shouldn't need pills to make me normal."

"You _are_ normal, Ell," I say gently. "You just have a mental disorder, and the medication helps to control it."

"You, Rydel, Austin, and Riker are depressed," Ratliff grumbles. "Depression is a mental disorder. Why aren't _you guys_ on anti-depressants?"

"That's not the point," I reply. "And schizophrenia is a lot more serious. Those voices have told you to blow your brains out, baby…that's why you need the meds to ward them away."

"I don't want them here. Make them leave, please…" Ratliff whispers, wiping his nose on the sleeve of my shirt. I grimace, nodding.

"They're going to leave right now," I promise him. "How about you go back into the room and lay down? I'll kick them out, and be back to lie with you."

Ratliff shakes his head. "I wanna come with you."

"I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"I don't care," Ratliff says firmly. "I'm coming with you."

* * *

"Alright, you two, out, _now_."

Rocky walks back into the room, Ratliff pressed to his side. The gauze wrapped around his wrist creates a sinking feeling in my stomach, as I hold Austin closer to me.

"You're kicking us out?" Our mother looks sadly at us, and I scoff. Bullshit.

"Yep. Out, before I call the police."

"That's a load of crap. You can't have us arrested- we haven't _done_ anything," Mark says firmly, his eyes dark with anger.

Rocky's eyes fill with anger, and I can see him take a moment to compose himself, before speaking- his voice cold and even. "I can have you arrested for harassment, and at this point- trespassing. I can also tell them about how you almost slapped Riker. And I would highly suggest you leave _willingly_, before I take you to a courtroom, and get a restraining order filed against you."

Mark and Stormie are shocked into silence, and Rocky glares at them. "Are you going, or am I calling?"

"We'll go," Mark says tightly, his tone clipped. "But this isn't over."

He and our mother rise to their feet, and make their way out the front door- which Rydel is holding open for them.

"Alright, everyone, into the living room," Rocky orders. "We need to talk."

* * *

"I cut again," Ratliff mumbles, hiding his face in Rocky's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I just…"

"No, it's okay," Riker replies. "I understand why you did it. I mean, not the most ethical way of going about things, but you needed to cope in some way. Having them back isn't stabilizing for _any_ of us, and I'm not sure how the _fuck_ we're going to get through this."

"I just…I don't understand why they're here," Rydel sighs, leaning against Riker's side. "I don't get why they just decided to show up and thrust themselves back into our lives like it's normal. They _left_; they don't get to come back. They fucked up, and they can't fix it."

I squirm in Riker's lap, not really knowing what to say. I don't know their parents- only that they left for almost three years and abandoned them. I just don't want to say the wrong thing, and have my siblings pissed at me.

"Aus? What do you think about this?" Rocky asks gently, meeting my gaze. I shake my head and just stare at him, eyes wide.

"I don't…I don't know…they must hate me, I mean, I'm nothing important, so…"

"Hey, none of that," Riker says firmly. "You're very important to us. They have no place to judge you, because _they're_ the ones that abandoned us."

"Can I just tell them to go to hell?" Ratliff asks hopefully. "Please? They fucking deserve to rot in hell."

"I wouldn't advise it, but yeah, I agree with you," Rocky replies. "They _do_ deserve to rot in hell, because they basically sentenced us to the worst time of our lives. We were a fucking mess…especially after I found you with that gun pressed to your head, god…"

_I open the door to the bathroom, but what greets me shocks me to the bone, turning my body to ice. I'm staring at my baby brother- his eyes clenched shut- with a gun pressed to his temple. My first thought is- where the _fuck_ did he get a gun? But I know I have to do something fast, before he pulls the trigger._

_"Ratliff," I whisper. My voice catches in the air, and his eyes shoot open, full of panic and fear. He's shaking, visibly trembling, as our gazes meet. "Ratliff, give me the gun. You don't need to do this. I can help you. We all can. Just please, don't shoot…"_

_"I'm so done with this fucking bullshit," Ratliff replies, his voice cracking on every level. "Just let me end it already."_

_"No." My voice is firm. "I'm not going to hold a funeral for _another_ brother…"_

_Ratliff stiffens. "Rocky…"_

_"Please," I repeat, tears falling down my face. "Don't do this to us. Please. Drop the gun."_

_In a matter of minutes, the gun clatters to the ground, and Ratliff throws himself into my arms. I catch him easily, hugging him as tightly as possible, pressing numerous kisses to his head and hair. "Oh, thank god…thank fucking god I found you in time…"_

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Ratliff sobs into my neck, his body shaking. _

_"Don't you dare be sorry. I'm going to fix this. You'll never feel this alone ever again- I promise. Everything is going to be okay."_

* * *

**First thing- did you guys catch the little bit of foreshadowing in the flashback? Hint- it's something Rocky said to coax Ratliff out of shooting himself. **

**The other thing- instead of keeping you guys waiting, not knowing when the update will be, I'm gonna give you dates from now on. So, I'm looking at the 9th or 10th for the next chapter- Monday, I've got some family business to take care of, and Tuesday, the 8th, is my birthday, so I'm not really going to write then. So Wednesday or Thursday is the next update. I'd love it if we could get to 40 reviews before then, thank you guys for reading- I hope you enjoyed.**

**-Neha**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes, I know I'm late. And honestly guys, I'm sick of the reviews telling me I take too long to update. I told you that I wasn't going to kill myself over this story, and I'm sticking to it. I update when I update. If you love the story so much, it won't kill you to wait. Trigger warnings- suicide, self-harm, depression. **

* * *

"Can I please go out with them? I haven't hung out with the three of them in forever…"

Rocky sighs heavily. "You're in a wheelchair, Aus. I'm just not sure…people can be dicks, and none of us really fully trust all three of them yet."

I scoff. "Really? Then why is Ally _living_ here?"

"I just don't want you to get hurt, especially if one of us isn't there with you…"

"I'm almost sixteen, Rocky," I mutter. "You can't babysit me forever."

"No, but my job is to keep you safe. And with what's happened lately, I don't trust you out alone. It's not that I don't trust _you_, it's just that our parents could be lurking, and trust me, you do _not_ want to get ambushed by them."

"Rocky, lay off on him," Rydel says, as she walks into earshot. "He's got a point. He's almost sixteen, we can't keep him in a bubble forever."

"I know, but…"

She lifts a hand. "Don't. Aus, go ahead, alright? Be back in a few hours, and call us if you need a ride back. I'll talk to Rocky. Just go have fun."

I grin, lifting my arms up. She leans down, and I hug her gently, kissing her cheek. "Thanks Ry, love you."

"Love you too, idiot."

* * *

"I'm surprised you convinced them to let you out of the house," Trish comments, as Dez pushes my wheelchair into Sonic Boom.

"It took a lot of persuasion, trust me." I smile ruefully, leaning back and facing them. "So, how's everything been with you, Trish? Haven't seen you around in a while."

Trish groans loudly. "My parents have been on me for blowing up my phone bill, so I've been trying to get jobs to pay it off, but apparently not showing up for two days equates to being fired the next day you _do_ show up."

Dez rolls his eyes. "The day you keep a job for more than a week, is the day people declare me of extreme intelligence."

"I dunno, I think I'm gonna make it with this one," Trish says brightly. "It's at a bookstore!"

"And what part of that makes you think you'll keep _that_ job?" Ally asks. "Bookstores are quiet and peaceful- two characteristics you do _not_ possess."

Trish scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. "We'll see about that."

* * *

"So, when is Austin gonna be back?"

"I dunno, couple hours?"

Riker nods, dropping his hands to his sides. "Just kinda weird without him in the house…I mean, he's always been here, and now it's just us…"

"Well, Ratliff is out, he went running, and Rydel's up in your guys' room," I tell him, leaning against the wall.

He sighs. "I've got work in half an hour, I'm gonna leave now."

"Alright," I reply. "Go ahead. Keep your phone on, just in case Austin calls."

He nods, turning on his heel and walking out the front door, leaving me to slump forward, exhaustion overtaking me.

It's not easy. And for anyone who thinks that what I do is _easy_, you seriously need a reality check. Sure, Riker actually has a job, but I'm the one who's looking after my siblings day and night. Mothers claim they have it hard with two or three kids, but I have four siblings to watch- and all four of them have been suicidal before. I live in the constant fear that one of them could off themselves- and I'd be too late to save them.

It's happened before. We originally weren't a family of four. This is before Austin came into the picture, by the way, But before, there were six of us. And now we're down to four. Somehow, some way, two of our siblings are no longer with us, and that's just made my drive to keep my four _living_ siblings from harm.

In my opinion, I haven't done that great of a job- considering the amount of suicide attempts, but I've been trying my best. Riker broke after having to care for Rydel, Ratliff, and Austin by himself- for more than a couple weeks- while I was in that coma. It's a wonder that I haven't broke yet- but I've been doing my best to hold myself back from it. Being the oldest has its sacrifices, I guess.

And seeing our parents after so long, having them back in our lives…it terrifies me. The mental onslaught I went through with them was horrible. They targeted me- they were one of the reasons I jumped off that roof. The pressure they put on me got to be too much for me, and I just snapped. I couldn't take it- everything was too much. Those two damaged me more than I can say- and I can't go back to that life.

I was never good enough for them- and it just made them angry. They just kept pushing and pushing, no after what I was feeling, and goddamn, it hurt so much. I couldn't feel anything anymore- they made me numb- and jumping off that roof was the only way I thought to escape. I just wanted it to end, and by them coming back into my life, all the memories are returning, attacking my mind viciously.

God, I just…I never understood their logic. They already pushed one of my brothers off my edge- hadn't they learned? My other brother's death wasn't in their control, but you'd think, after losing not one- but _two_ sons- they'd be more careful with their remaining children. But no, every single one of us has tried to end it- and Rydel is the only one that hasn't ended up in the hospital for it.

The memories torture me, as I try to fight off the head-spinning nausea and dizziness that accompanies those painful flashbacks. I guess I haven't moved on from that time- the time where I was practically begging to get hit by a car or pushed off a building. I just wanted to die, no matter how it happened, or the kind of pain it brought- not just me, but my siblings as well. I was just done.

Stumbling to my feet, I shake off the dizziness I felt just by standing up, shaking my head vigorously, in attempt to clear it. Grabbing my jacket, I make my way out the door, not bothering to tell Rydel where I'm going. I need to get out of this house.

* * *

"Rocky?"

When I get back to the house, after my shift- Rocky is sitting on the couch, staring blankly off into space, not really looking at anything. The TV is off, and his gaze is focused on an empty spot on the wall.

At the sound of my voice, he lifts his head and glances up at me. "Yeah?" When he speaks, his voice is rough, heavier than normal. He sounds different- like something's happened- but he would've called me if anything went wrong, wouldn't he?

"Rocky, is everything okay?"

He doesn't react, just looking at me hollowly. Something's definitely not right. I take a seat next to him, and I can feel him visibly shaking as soon as my body makes contact with his. He's trembling furiously, and his eyes are dark with so much pain.

"Rocky? Come on, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No. Everything's fine."

When he speaks, I get a whiff of his breath, and it chills me to the bone. I stare at him, my eyes wide with fear- inching away from him.

"Riker, what's your deal?" He asks, the smell of his breath wrapping around me and suffocating me.

"I can smell the alcohol on your breath, Rocky. You're drunk, aren't you?"

* * *

**Thoughts? Did any of you expect that? And you got a little more insight on the plot twist I threw in last chapter- what'd you think of that? I'd love to know your opinions- thanks for reading- can we try for 55 reviews? That'd make me really happy, thank you all so much.**

**-Neha**


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